I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
