moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
