We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
