If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why is your signature on my underwear?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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