Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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