"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
