Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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