Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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