im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
