I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
