That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
