we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He better not be in your backpack
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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