i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
