literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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