Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
