I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
