omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
