is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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