Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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