so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
