God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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