My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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