Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
