Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
