dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
