i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
