the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
