dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
