so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
