I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
