Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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