I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
