Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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