come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
