I showed him my bush... on skype.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
