the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
