I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
