According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
