you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
