Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
