An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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