i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
