so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
