I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
