highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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