Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
