gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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