Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize