I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
