i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
