I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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