my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
