I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
